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Keep resolutions thoughtful, realistic for lasting change
By Dr. Erika Gray
Resolutions are as old as time and have ancient roots but I think in present day many of us see
the closing of the year as a way to reset our margins and try again. I think we make resolutions because many of us are hopeful and have changes we’d like to make in our lives. We want to be better versions of ourselves and when we reset our calendars we feel the symbolism of a fresh start. This is supported in the media and all of our modern mythology.
Unfortunately, for many of us, our res- olutions fail because permanent change does not often occur with the turning of the calendar page. Too frequently res- olutions are set impulsively in the heat of the moment and expectations are set unreasonably and often unachievably high. The key to keeping resolutions and making meaningful changes in our lives is:
1. Begin early. Start thinking about changes you’d like to make at the first persistent sign that there is something that is not working for you in your life. This may happen in March, May or November. Don’t wait until five minutes before midnight on Dec. 31 to begin thinking about meaningful change.
2. Start in small increments. Be inten- tional. Thinking about a healthier you? Add an extra glass of water to your day, and maintain that change until it becomes habit, about a month. Maybe add a new vegetable to your plate, or move your body a little more. Want more friends? Maybe start by saying hello to a stranger. Overhauling seldom sticks. One cannot change everything and maintain that change consistently over time. One small step at a time.
3. Examine your motivation for change. Is your desire for change born from love or loathing? If you hate yourself it’s very hard to initiate and maintain self-affirm- ing changes. Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss your desire for change with a trusted friend or professional before jumping in? Having support helps you be accountable to your goal.
4. Is it change you really need or accep- tance? The 10 pounds you lose will not change your life but fully accepting your- self exactly as you are right now and then welcoming improvement just might.
5. Be realistic. Problematic behaviors evolve over years, they are not likely to dissolve as the last firework dims to black. Change is very hard and takes hard work, persistent, and consistent effort over a long period of time. Give yourself a long timeline.
6. Be patient with yourself. Having hope for a new you can be inspiring and exciting. Don’t let a setback stop you from aspiring to wellness. Self-criticism and disappointment often propels us back into bad habits. Be proud of any
Contributed Photo
Resolutions: Dr. Erika Gray is a former Arkansas resident and is currently a clinical psychologist in private practice in the northern Chicago suburbs.
efforts you make and any ground you cover.
Remember, we all have an idea of a per- fect self. Perfection is an illusion. Start with acknowledging the parts of yourself you already love, and look for ways to bolster those strengths and accept your flaws. It’s amazing how naturally change occurs when one starts with acceptance.
And if you must shoot for the stars in this New Year, good luck, enjoy the ride and learn along the way, even if the ride ends with your feet back on square one.
Dr. Erika Gray, Psy.D, is a clinical psy- chologist in private practice in the north- ern Chicago suburbs. She is an Illinois native and former resident of Arkansas. SheisagraduateoftheUniversityof
Arkansas - Little Rock, Rosalind Franklin University of Medicine and Science and
received her doctorate from the Wisconsin School of Professional Psychology.
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El Dorado NEWS-TIMES – Saturday, January 28, 2017 – 3
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