Page 3 - HuntingGazette.2017

Welcome back to the South Arkansas Hunting and Sporting Gazette
By Katie Meade
News-Times
Hello again and welcome to the third edition of the South Arkansas Hunting and Sporting Gazette. A wonder- ful staff of journalists, graphic designers, photographers and salespeople have been work- ing harder than squirrels get- ting ready for winter to bring you another great publication for your enjoyment. Please let us know of anything you would like to see in next year's section. We are always taking pictures, stories and more of what you want to enjoy.
We have compiled so much information this year includ- ing some new content. We have the moon phase calendar, season dates and bag limits, a new regulation tied to chronic wasting disease and even a list of activities that are inexpen- sive or free that can help get kids involved in the outdoors, even without going hunting. I was also able to get a sneak peek of what our weather may be like this fall and winter! Following the rules of the Old Wives' tale, I got a couple of persimmons off our tree and I cut the seeds open. Check inside to see if they revealed a fork, knife or spoon!
I also had the privilege of interviewing four local ladies that also have a love of the outdoors and are not afraid to dress to impress or dress for a trip to the woods. These wonderful ladies want to show that trading a handbag for a
bow or rifle and Maybelline for oil based face paint is per- fectly fine. They all gave their answers to the same questions and are sure to give other women some insight on how to get into the hunting world. The title of this feature was easy to pick: Women in the Woods: Girls with Guns and Babes with Bows. I also answered the same questions so women can pick which huntress they can most relate to in any sit- uation. I was also asked by a lot of people to please include some of the “You know you are an Arkansas hunter when,” humor in this edition because they need more things to laugh about when they are at the deer camp. I decided to oblige you and I hope it tickles your funny bone!
You know you are an Arkansas hunter when ...
You have over 200 pictures on your phone of a buck you have on your game cameras.
You have had your spouse call your boss to tell them you are sick because buck or duck fever is not an illness you can get a doctor's excuse for.
You called in sick and killed a banded duck or your biggest buck ever and you can't post it on social media because you know your coworkers will snitch.
You have a child named Drake, Gauge, Hunter or any- thing similar to hunting lingo.
You have performed CPR on your hunting dog or carried them through creek bottoms
after a snake bite or hog attack. Your neighbors despise you practicing on your duck calls,
especially at 9 p.m.
You do better investigations
than a crime scene investi- gator when you are trying to figure out who trespassed on your land and who was in your stand while you were out of town. You collected a soda can, a bullet casing and took pictures of footprints. You found a cigarette lighter in the stand and knew it was your cousin.
You have fallen in icy water but the ducks were flying great and you refused to leave until you limit out.
You consider it the most awesome day ever when you spend $300 at Bass Pro Shops, and had enough gift cards to pay for it all! The guy behind you in line was tired of hearing you swipe 15 gift cards.
You have put more money in your taxidermy projects than in your savings account for Christmas.
Your hunting dog sleeps in the house and takes up half of the bed.
You can find your stand in the pitch dark while blindfold- ed in an ice storm but you can't follow Google Maps.
You planned your wedding around hunting season.
You bought an engagement ring for your girlfriend and it came with a free rifle or shotgun.
Your house may have at least four extra guests a year that
crash in your house because a big duck trip is taking place the next morning.
You have crawled out of bed at 1 a.m. to cook breakfast for five duck hunters.
You have stepped into an armadillo burrow and almost disappeared.
You have demanded that your fishing buddy gives you back your favorite bait even though the treble hooks are buried in his face or neck. After the ER removed the hooks, you are mad you had to leave the lake to come to town when you offered to cut the bait out of his skin.
Your expertise in the kitchen involves any wild game reci- pes.
Your hunting clothes always smell like pine, dry leaves, gunpowder and fresh dirt.
Your kids' school has a “deer day.”
Most kids in your school rock camo clothes and jackets, especially during cold snaps.
You have been on a stand in your duck hole for just 30 min- utes and “the pain” hits. You came in with socks and made it home wearing none.
You have family pictures and everyone is rocking camou- flage.
Your family members argue which camo brand is best: Mossy Oak vs. Realtree. It’s worse than the Hatfields and McCoys.
You have hidden in the woods in your best camo just to scare a sibling or hunting
buddy.
You have ever had to explain
to a game warden how a skunk was hit on the highway and wound up in your duck boat 20 miles from where the skunk was hit. The game wardens demand that you get away from them.
You bought a sausage biscuit at the gas station and now no one wants to sit near you in the duck blind.
You asked for a new bow for Mother's Day (I'm guilty).
No one will send a wed- ding invite to you between September and February. They know you aren't coming.
Your greatest accomplish- ment was doing a custom paint job on your hunting truck. It is so well camouflaged that you can't find it after you parked it in the woods!
Your hunting gear takes up 96.2 percent of your storage building.
Your hunting clothes and gear are organized by season and coordinating camo pat- terns.
You consider the Ducks Unlimited dinners, National Wild Turkey Federation ban- quets and church wild game suppers the most important social events of the year.
I hope these brought a smile to your face and you could name a few people that fit these stereotypes. If we can't laugh at ourselves, then what can we laugh about? Be safe out there this year but most of all, have fun!
El Dorado NEWS-TIMES – Thursday, August 31, 2017 – 3
DON’T WORRY • WE COVER IT ALL!
Serving Strong & South Arkansas Since 1988!
STRONG
DEER PROCESSING
• Tenderized Steak • Deer Burger
• Deer Sausage
You Tag ‘Em.... We’ll Bag ‘Em!
(870) 797-2001
Boyd Fife, Owner
We Skin & Gut!
3181
• Guns
• ATVs/UTVs
• Boats • Trucks
• Deer Camps • Homes
TROY BARRIOS
S Agent/Owner
troy@sainsag.com
870-864-9000 • 508 N. West Ave. • El Dorado, AR 3206